I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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