I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
