Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
