I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
