I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
