wakey wakey hands off snakey
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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