She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
