i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Shame is for Republicans.
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