I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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