I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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