Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
