there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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