You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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