Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
