Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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