In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
