I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
