Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
