take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
