Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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