I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
