I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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