I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
