you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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