TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
