I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
