My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
