Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
