Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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