Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
