well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
