Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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