you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
