Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
