Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
