she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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