i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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