put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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