Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
