according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
