Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
