im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So squirting runs in the family.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
