I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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