Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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