thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
