stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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