I just saw a hot homeless man
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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