Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
