She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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