Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
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